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In Session on 4.20.2024
Sponsored by Vice-President Cameron Byrne (unknowingly)
Additionally sponsored by Spending Oversight Officer Eaton, Sergeant-at-Arms Edwards Dean Scott, Chairman Allen, Senator Naranjo, and Shaughnessy. Presented at the eternal request of former Senators Swehla, Meadows, Whipple, Foster, Ferrill, Imken, and Beckham, former Chairman ‘Ascended Senator Gowing, May His Wallet Never be Empty’ Gowing, former VP ‘Senate Mom’ Murphy in addition to former Chairwoman Dittman, former Chairman Anderson, and former PPT LaQuey.
A Bill
Relating to the conversion of the Allen Family Student Center fire pit into an “Eternal Flame” fire tornado display.
Be it enacted by the LeTourneau University Student Senate
Short Title
Section A.
This act may be referred to as the “The Cameron Crowder Fire Tornado Bill of Spring 2023 'Eaton-Edwards ‘Murphy ‘Gowing ‘Beckham ‘Foster Memorial Fire Tornado Bill of Spring 2018’ Memorial Fire Tornado Bill of Spring 2020’ Memorial Fire Tornado Bill of Fall 2020’ Memorial Fire Tornado Bill of Spring 2021’ Memorial Fire Tornado Act of Fall 2021”
Appropriations
Section B.
A total of fifty thousand dollars ($50,000) shall be allocated for the modification of the existing fire pit into an “Eternal Flame” display resembling a tornado made of fire. Additionally, a stake eight (8) feet tall made of A36 Steel shall be placed in the center of this display at which heretics shall be burned, with the trials adjudicated by a jury comprised of the faculty of the Theology Department and one magic eight ball as a diversity hire. Smaller tornadoes shall also be lit for burning minor heretics like people who like Star Wars a little too much, like having a picture be their discord profile picture.
All funds not used in this manner will not be returned to the Senate General Fund, nor will they be spent to purchase anything for which they were not already earmarked by this section. Instead, they will be withdrawn as single-dollar bills and ceremonially incinerated in the tornado to symbolize the frivolity of monetary concerns when pursuing knowledge.
Effective Date
Section C.
Upon passage, this act shall retroactively have become effective as of the dismissal of the Fire Tornado Act of Fall 2015.
Explanations and Reasoning
Section D.
Why not?
The perpetually burning flame will symbolize LeTourneau University’s role as a literal pyrotechnical beacon of Christian values in higher education, and the skills of the minds that are trained within its metaphorical walls. The spinning motion of the flames will represent the tumultuous times LeTourneau students are expected to thrive in as beacons of knowledge and hope to the world.
It was initially presented by former Senators Swehla, Meadows, and Whipple in Fall 2015 as a parody on the now-defunct concept of a Senate Project. Former Senators Beckham, Ferrill, and Imken first copied the idea in Spring 2017, and the first resignation request for its continuation came from former Senator Foster the following Fall. Beckham, Ferrill, and Imken brought it up again in Spring 2018 to respect that request. The rest of its history is clearly-documented in Section A. As well as presenting the act immediately preceding their resignation, former Senators Beckham, Gowing, and Murphy have each asked in their resignation requests to “never let this bill die,” despite its repeated and uninterrupted failures over the past six years.
As an ancient tradition, this act exemplifies many of the best things about the LeTourneau University Student Body Senate. The ever-growing list of names attached to the act are evidence of the legacy left by each and every senator, and the repeated requests for the act’s immortality are evidence of the respect each succeeding generation has had for the efforts made by those who came before. Additionally, the thorough debate the act demands, despite its obvious absurdity, is a perfect demonstration of the purpose, and efficacy, of the senate: accomplishing productive things for the good of this school in a fun and ridiculous manner.
Stipulations
Section E.
Never let this act die.
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